SEBUAH CERPEN: NOBODY’S NOBODY

cerpen ini saya tulis ketika saya sedang sendirian di kampus lima tahun yang lalu.

It’s nine o’clock at night, and ‘am sitting here in front of my computer, doing my homework as usual. I know this lab has already closed, but the officer let me stay and keep doing my homework. He’s just so nice a person as someone I ever knew.

I wonder if somehow he’s not the one in charge today. May be I’d have been kicked out already. I don’t want to say mean about people, but frankly to say. People all here are like monster. They never show their smile. Instead they’d only show their weirdy-lack-of-happiness face.

The officer, his name’s Berk. I don’t know who his real name is, but people all here call him that way, and it seemed like he just like it to be called like that.

Berk is a nice person. He’s just like a brother to me. And I know he’s clever too, for I can see it from his eyes. Actually, I don’t know what clever person’s eyes do since ‘am not the one either, but I know that Berk is not only as he seems. Whenever I saw his eyes, I felt like I could see the whole world. So many stories unfold and locked deep inside his very brown eyes. But things are just so fady, and I couldn’t understand all of them.

Berk’s always here, at night. Sometimes I asked him whether he’d feel lonely sitting here alone all night and there nobody here as someone to talk with. But whenever I asked him, he’d only smile, and that’s the only way he’d give his answer.

Once I forced him to answer my question, but he only said that he’d feel lonely, only if he had to wait for me, because ‘am the only one who always spend all night here.

Somehow I felt at fault by his words, but then he said that I shouldn’t feel so, because whenever you still have someone to wait for. It means that you are not alone in this world.

I didn’t think he really mean those words for me. I didn’t feel like he’s really waiting for me. Though, sometimes, I hope he did.

I used to walk passing this place, at night. Sometimes I saw Berk was sitting here as always. Looked like as if he’s waiting for someone. But I didn’t think there’d be any student inside. Usually all student are at their home at eight, and ‘am the only one who always bothered him, doing my homework till late after midnight. Sometimes I also asked him to take me home, feel like ‘am his sister after all. I still don’t know who he’s been waiting for every night, but ‘am sure it’sn’t me.

People said Berk ever had a sister. She’s a lovely one, they said. But he never told me about her. It’s said, it’sn’t long before I‘s here, she used to be here at night, just like me. May be it happened before I came here. But then, I didn’t know what’s happened to her. People didn’t want to talk about it. neither did Berk.

I’m sure there’ll be just one time, at least, when people want to share their feeling with others. I just don’t know when. feel like it’s really hoping if I can find it.

May be the only reason why Berk don’t want to share his feeling is only because he couldn’t find any people who have the same feeling as him.

But what kind of feeling it’d be then. I feel like I didn’t understand about him and anything he feels about. I never lost anyone that I ever loved before. The only I ever lost was only my rabbit, but I have forgotten ‘bout her. It’s just not good to weep for something that has gone. Things may not be the same for him, but still, I didn’t get it.

Maybe… just maybe, If only I had one of a bad experience at all, I’ght be able to understand Berk even more. Maybe he’d care to share his feeling with me. I hope I just had one. If only I could remember about it. What I need’s only one actually.

The only bad thing I remember, but it’sn’t mine, that’s when my friend got ‘D’ in her final examination. She’s so depressed that she slammed the door just right at front of my face. And she also wept along all that night. I wonder why she still could wake up in the morning, and not losing any class for I used to lost my class when I overslept because I had to do my homework here all night. And I don’t think it’ll really do for me for I often got ‘D’ myself and I didn’t feel any bad about it.

Somehow I always love to get ‘D’. Whenever I got bad in my examination, I had to repeat it. And, you know, every time I had to repeat my examination, they’d always send me here. Here, in this place, with Berk, who always watch me doing my exam.

May be if ‘D’ doesn’t work, then ‘F’ shall do. I don’t know if there’s ever student got ‘F’ before. But if it’s really happen then it’d be the most horrible thing for anyone. The only chance of me to get a horrible experience is when I got ‘F’ in my examination. It seems like a good Idea, may be I shall make the plan by tomorrow.

Let see, first, tomorrow I’ll come to my lecturer and ask whether he could give me ‘F’ for the next exam. And if he asks me why I want it, then I’ll tell him that I do this for a friend. It must be granted somehow, otherwise I’ll never know what else ‘am going to do.

But then the second is kinda hard way to do. That’s what I have to do when I get my miserable experience. May be I’ll follow just what my friend has done, slamming the door so hard and crying all night. But I don’t think it’ll do for all night, because I have to go to the lab. May be I’ll only cry until half the evening and when the night has come, I’ll go to the lab, and do my homework as usual.

I'm sure everything’ll be different for that day, because I’ll have a story to tell to Berk. I’ll tell him that I also have a very miserable life, so bad that I have to slam the door, and maybe when I’ve told him all my story, he’d like to share his feeling with me. We’ll spend all night talking about our life and maybe he’ll tell about his lovely sister too.

It’s ten o’clock PM already. Finally I realize that I didn’t yet finish my homework. I wonder if Berk’d come to me. Usually he’d come closer and asked whether I had any problems with my work, and usually I’d and always said of course I did, and then I’d let him do all my jobs for me. It’s not like I wanted to make use of someone, but feel like I just like it when Berk’s helping me.

But today I have told him that I’d do all my work myself. I try to look at where Berk is sitting right now. He’s not looking at me at all. Instead, he’s looking on the road.

I didn’t yet finish with my homework, maybe I’ll ask my lecturer so I can give my task next week, somehow I’ve got used for this.

It’s ten o’clock, and I decide to leave my desk and walk to the door. There I see Berk. He’s staring at me and I couldn’t raise my face. I just can’t see his eyes. He might ask himself why I leave so earlier today, but I don’t want to say nothing. I just do not want he to know that I couldn’t finish my work.

I tell him that I’ll be back tomorrow, and he’s just smiling as usual, wonder if he’s really expecting me. But I feel like Berk is really waiting for me. It’s so nice to know that there’s still someone who wait for me, means that ‘am not alone in this world.

Berk…….. think I kinda like him…………….…